Last week one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when everything is going good.
The truth is it's not at all an easy question to answer because it differs for every person. There are literally thousands of books that have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you might start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The right approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure method to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. Therefore I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. When you feel uncomfortable and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them quickly.
Perfect First Dates Which Don't Cost The Earth But Do Allow You To Calm Down A Little At The Very Least
Most of us impose tremendous stress on ourselves when it comes to first dates, for no real reason - well actually there is a reason, we have a fear of rejection. We want to have perfect first dates.
Factors That Ought To Be Considered While Selecting The Right Singles Online Dating Websites
With the explosion of singles online dating sites has come a virtual smorgasbord of choices. There are free online dating sites, I don't recommend those but if money is a real concern, they are better than nothing.
2 Methods To Living Through A Separation With Your Other Half
Whether your goal is to mend a broken heart, win an ex back and get back together, or to simply move on with your life, you can be sure that others have traveled the same path.
Get Back Together With Your Ex-Girlfriend Simply By Becoming Less Available And An Increased Challenge To Her
One of the most educational things you can ever do is to talk with your ex-girlfriend's closest friends to see what she was like in the earliest days of your relationship. Almost always her friends will tell you that almost all she could think about was how to make you hers.
Think You're Reluctant To Approach Or Meet Ladies?
Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than running away from the situation, lower the gradient.
Bad Boy Versus Nice Guy - Does Fascination Have Something To Do With Being A Bad Boy Compared To A Nice Guy?
Well, we have all heard that myth - that "nice guys" lose out and the 'bad boys" attract women - but is it based in truth? Does attraction have anything to do with being a bad boy versus a nice guy?
Perfect First Dates Are Feasible - Ways You May Experience Wonderful First Dates
Just the idea of a perfect first date can throw us into a panic mode, as we put so much stress on ourselves. The fear of rejection is strong in most of us...
Inexpensive Ideas To Your Romantic Weekends
Romantic breaks are good for us after the stress of the work week, but they do not need to be expensive, do not have to involve travel, and do not have to last the whole weekend, although if you can manage the time, it'll probably be good for you.
Mr. Right Doesn't Exist At All
You ARE going to have to actively seek the man of your dreams and you won't find him hiding under your bed. You already know that he isn't among the men that you are acquainted with so, now what? Online dating is "what".
Is The Game A Fraud? Is Neil Strauss A Con?
Neil may be the most famous of all of these Dating Advice Guru's and his historical New York Times best seller "The Game" certainly was no scam. However, I tested his ideas and they are out of date.
How To Fascinate Women - Mixed Indications And Flirting
How to successfully handle a woman who is sending confusing flirtations - and how to spot a woman who is flirting just for fun.
